She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
