just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
