Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
