I cut my penus on the lid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize