Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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