Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
