I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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