I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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