I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just had sex on a roof
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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