her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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