Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
