You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize