true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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