OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
