I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
