you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
