Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The adults are the big ones right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
