i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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