Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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