guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
