I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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