??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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