That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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