new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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