I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
