Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
