how can u be prego again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
