If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize