she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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