Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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