Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
