Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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