he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
