Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
