they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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