I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
