Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
