Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
