just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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