I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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