to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
