Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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