oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
