he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
