I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
