btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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