i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
