I'm sorry my penis didn't work
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
