I just cut my nipple shaving
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
