god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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