I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Found the puke drawer
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
