Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
