He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
