New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
