Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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