My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize