i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
