sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
