if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
