As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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