Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
