I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
