Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
