nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
