i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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