i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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