Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
