He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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