Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
