The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
