and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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