Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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