The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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