I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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