she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
