he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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