I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
