I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
