all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
