i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize