I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
