Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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