Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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