yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Randomize
